Nowadays everyone uses this word to describe a control freak. Not every person who is controlling is a narcissist. Say your dad or aunt is very strict and controlling towards you on some days but other days they are jovial and allow us freedom- that’s not narcissism.
A narcissist is a person who “feeds on control”. Everyday their attitude towards others is controlling. Where are you going? who are you talking to? You should do this, not this. Such people may be controlling towards everyone in general however they feed on excessively controlling target people who they feel either jealous of or threatened by.
Their mental or psychological balance depends on controlling others- they feel powerless or say not in balance when the other person is fiercely independent- now if the target person’s growth, existence triggers insecurities unprovoked in a narcissist, he/she will start excessively controlling their target. This is to make sure they are in control of the target person’s whereabouts, money, image, and relationships.
Narcissistic abuse in a relationship often leads to exhaustion and complete burnout because every conversation leads to conflicts and toxicity. When a narcissist speaks – every conversation will feel judgemental, critical and belittlement for the targeted individual.
Say you have a narcissist wife, sister- every conversation will feel like she makes you feel inferior in everything you do and that you must listen to her or say anything good you do in life- still she will judge you harshly. A narcissist is not sensitive to the opinion or feelings of the other person because their peace thrives on controlling the other person. That’s where suffocation starts.
The ugliest part of narcissistic abuse in any relationship is the target individual not realising that they start looking much older than their age due to constant abuse and tolerance in our attempts to save the relationship. Tell me if your sister is a narcissist or say your wife is a narcissist where children are involved, can you just leave or end the relationship? No… it’s difficult to break blood relations and we don’t advise the same.
However say if a relationship is karmic in nature meaning the karma for which God brought 2 people together is already delivered and there is no further growth, happiness but only abuse- God will show you repeat signs of toxicity and conflicts that carry on for years, even decades- that’s God letting you know that the relationship has ended and that we must move on.
The problem is consistent abuse leads to weariness and we start feeling and looking older in age if we continue to stay in a narcissistic relationship. We do love our people and it’s difficult to let go but trying to heal something that won’t change is wasting valuable years of our life and ruining our own health. Narcissism is a personality disorder- 99% of the times, people don’t change, it’s better to move on and make peace. But forgive…..